Inspired by this
As a chem guy, I hate chemists. So here's how I would kill one (pranav).
First of all, I will go to the local chemist and purchase the following equipment:
Now you must execute this very carefully.
First, hide the acid behind you.
Next, cut the lemon (knife optional, if you do not have a knife your teeth will suffice).
Pour the lemon onto the litmus paper in the vicinity of the target chemist (pranav).
The chemist will see this and approach, saying something along the lines of "Oh! I see you are holding a piece of litmus paper, which is an indicator used to detect the pH of things. pH refers to an inverse logarithmic scale used to determine the acidity of a substance. Did you know that all indicators are actually weak acid-base pairs in equilibrium? You know, this reminds me of a question I did during my semester 1 year 11 chemistry preparation! I had to draw the Litmus molecule when it was blue! That was funny."
The chemist will then say "It looks like your acid-base buffer system has gone to equilibrium. Do you mind if I observe the Litmus paper to determine the resultant pH?"
You should respond "Yes."
The chemist will then bend down and look at the paper. This is the time to strike. They are distracted1. Grab the acid from behind them and cover them in it. They will recoil in pain and dissolve. You will have successfully killed the chemist.
You may ask, wouldn't a chemist notice such an extreme amount of acid? Well yes. Under normal circumstances they would. However, it is masked by the presence of the lemon. The chemist observes that there is indeed an acidic system nearby, but comes to the logical conclusion that it is emanating from the lemon. The fools. ↩
